Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
