I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
