im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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