Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
