Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
