He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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