I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
