He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
