I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
