The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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