How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
