Life is so much better after having sex.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
