Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
