I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
