all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
