My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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