i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
