i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
