please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
