I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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