wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
