pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
