i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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