i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
