he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
