My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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