There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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