You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
