I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
