I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So squirting runs in the family.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
