Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
