last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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