i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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