just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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