I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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