Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
