ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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