Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
