we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
