Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Everything about him screamed your future.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
