we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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