He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
