I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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