Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've blown a few things in my day
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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