its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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