Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
