She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
