we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
