sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize