Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
