please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
