Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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