I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
why is half of my head shaved?
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