just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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