why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
