Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
