I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
