Soap is not a condiment
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
