i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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