He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
