Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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