So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
