i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
