In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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