I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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