i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
