Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
