Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize