I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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