I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
