The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
