You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
