it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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