I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
