..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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